Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
