The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
