i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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