She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
