made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
