We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
