I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
