areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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