It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
