I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
