Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so fucking centered right now
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
