guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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