She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
