if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
