i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
