CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
