People with herpes should wear stickers.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
