I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
