There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
