My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
