dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
