so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
