I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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