omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
