i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
