I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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