At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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