my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
