THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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