do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
