Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
