I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
