I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
