I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
