I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
