Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
