Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You need Xanax blowdarts
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
