We won't sleep together?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
