Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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