God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize
