yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
