Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
