and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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