Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
