He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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