I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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