okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You are a booty call, not a friend.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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