well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
