Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
