The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
