I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
