So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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